There are two worlds, one of virtue and truth where rights
to property exist, children can be free, to enjoy well-balanced
breakfasts and have matching day of the week socks; and
one of blackness and despair where heartless men rule and
people walk around uncolor-coordinated. Bound by a tendency
of malice, they forever oppose all that is free and true.
One world can stay, one must go! There comes a time when
a people must stand for what they believe in! That time
has come; we have declared war with the sock goblins!
Consider for a moment that the enemy, R. Murdock, is the
acting Demi-God of Evil, high commander, and spiritual
leader to the world's population of warlocks, goblins and
newscorp. Then consider, he has trained the evil villains
of this world to cause harm, malice and disruptions to consumer
goods whenever possible. Sock Goblins, the most well known
of Murdock's Empire, have assaulted good people everywhere
for the last 120 years.
Appearing in 1885, it is believed the Sock Goblin was released
into northwest Manitoba to quell the Stevil uprising by
lowering morale. The creature finds sustenance from devouring
other socks, feeding on its life force. Leaving sock
owners cold-ankled and miserable. Sock Goblins are clever
creatures; they hide in plain sight, disguised like a demonic
chameleon. A "wolf in sock clothing", they strike where
a sock is most vulnerable; in the dryer. The Murdock Empire
employs these terrors to keep a population in a state of
constant consumption, buying new socks, fueling the machines
of war, growing the empire; bigger, stronger, more prepared
to strike!
In a world of virtue, respect is given to the most sanctimonious
times of a sock's life; the warm period of rest when the
dryer has just finished. Garments do not live in fear, in
a land governed by free men. When socks match, people have
a higher potential to do amazing things. In the land of
matching socks there are white picket fences and strong
gin; beings living happy and free from the bounds of constantly
having to restock their consumer goods. Never worried of
reaching a drawer with one navy blue sock and one black
sock, we brave men and women must defend all that humanity
means to be, and crush the sock menace!
It has come to it; the world of darkness must be destroyed.
Should you see a Sock Goblin, don't hesitate, you know what
to do! Sock Goblins could swallow any garment you love in
a second!
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